Dalene Reyburn wrote a blog a while ago. The heading of the blog was: “Dear Special Needs Parent: I see you … “. Those words hit me like a fist in the gut. Who knew? Someone sees me and acknowledges me.
Today I’d like to say: “Dearest parent of your amazing ADHD child … I see you.” Why? I am also like you. I am tired and happy! Angry and frustrated. Full of hope today and feel like I want crawl into a whole and die the next. You are not alone!
My daughter has been diagnosed with Autism and my son with ADHD. Even though Autism has a bundle of issues to handle daily. Sometimes the ADHD part of our lives feel more challenging. Challenging not because of all the differences our child has, but because of the similarities. A child with ADHD is not recognized quickly, he or she is only another boy or a girl in a group. Our kids are therefore not seen as someone struggling with difficulties, but mostly seen for just being a very difficult, naughty, picky, over energetic, depressed, dreamy (And the list continues) …person.
Initially we try to educate people, family and friends to understand ADHD better. We try to explain our children’s behavior, but then the energy and emotions start losing momentum. You’ll explain if someone asks about it, but overall you start dealing with the judgment and stares in your own unique way. You are built to survive.
Thank you for surviving! You did not choose this challenge and journey. It chose you. Just keep on walking. If you keep on walking somehow between tonight and tomorrow morning the impossible seems possible again, the pain not so painful. In the morning somehow your ability to fight for your child seems to reset.
Waking up without ADHD in your house is unfortunately not an option. If initially you feel the very strong desire to ignore this thing until it disappears take heart, you are not a bad parent. I think we all do denial at some level or at some stage in this journey. Just try not to stay there. It serves a purpose, I believe, but when left too long, denial can and will hurt your relationship with your child.
When we first received diagnoses, my knee jerk reaction was: “But why?” The answers come packaged in neatly in gently rehearsed phrases like: “It has a strong genetic occurrence” or “There is no specific one cause”. Then you have to deal with this reality: “Your child is struggling because of your genes”. How do you deal with that? You either choose not to look at that reality, or you just feel lousy, guilty and failing terribly at parenting, just because of your genes…you didn’t even do anything yet.
To be totally honest, I have only been looking at the fact that: part of me contributed to the ADHD diagnoses…recently. It is easier to deal with it when it is on the outside, almost easier to digest, because you can look at the “syndrome”. You can examine it. Only when you start to accept the reality that you might carry parts of ADHD, does it start to become a bit scary, but yet less intimidating.
I am rambling on about your genes, because I believe that YOU were built to parent this child. Nothing in them is so foreign that you cannot recognize him or her as your child. Yes, at times it might seem like you received a wrong address child from another country, but if you look long and hard enough you’ll see it, and feel it. You will recognize her likes and dislikes, the way he butters his toast, the manner in which she sits at a table and remember you were made in the same factory.
You know how to help your child, look inside of you, AND take advice from strangers. There are many ways to kill a cat. Keep on searching till you find that amazing spot of sunshine for your child. He is fearfully and wonderfully made, God did not look away, His eyes were on her when she was formed.
The world would have been terribly boring if everyone fit the mold. ADHD kids do not fit the mold. They challenge, they excite and they scare the daylights out of any unsuspecting parent. They are the colour in a black and white world.
If your child can understand it, encourage them with it. Remind them, remind yourself. The things that might get him in trouble today at school, might just be the exact same thing that opens a door to technological breakthrough tomorrow.
Can you see how positive this perspective is? Congratulations! You are raising a super hero.
Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.
Written by Johanni Meiring
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Dear Special Needs Parent, you know all about only surviving and asking all the questions we discussed in the blog above. It’s a hard and overwhelming experience! I wrote a book just for you. Yes, this book can help you to embrace peace and your purpose as an individual (not just a special parent) again. In Special Needs Special Life I discuss the 3 Keys which truly served as stepping stones from JUST SURVIVING to LIVING MY LIFE again. I know it can do the same for you! For more info click here
If you want to visit our PARENT REALITY (Special Needs Parent Support) website click HERE
If you would like to book a Parent Coaching Session with Johanni click HERE
Johanni Meiring 